Not a Place
by ZoeWarren
Summary: Calling Serenity home means that sometimes things don't go smooth. Set an indeterminate amount of time after Made to be Broken. Mal/Inara


Inara sat at her shuttle's console in icy calm and _listened_. As though she would be able to hear the gunfire drawing closer through the thickness of the hull. As though she would be able to hear anything at all over the hammering of her heart in her ears and Grace's terrified wailing.

The shuttle was prepped and ready to fly. Under her hands, the sequence that would blow the clamps holding the shuttle against Serenity's hull was already keyed in. She could initiate with a few keystrokes and they'd be away. Unless River released them first – a sure sign of disaster.

There was nothing to do but wait. She couldn't even get up to comfort Grace. She couldn't leave the console until she got the all clear.

The jobs had grown riskier, and more complex, since Zoe had returned to fighting form. The payoff was better, if things went smooth. Mal talked a bit about how good it felt to get back to real work, but there were times when Inara thought his heart wasn't in it quite so much as it once was. Maybe because now he had more to lose.

When Inara returned from the Training House, she and Zoe and Mal had discussed plans and contingencies for keeping Grace safe, in case things _didn't_ go smooth. But this was the first time Inara had found herself alone in the shuttle with Grace, waiting to take off and leave the others behind.

The worst, though… the worst was the not knowing.

She had the comms wide open, but Zoe had gone quiet, and nothing came through the speakers but the low hiss of an open connection.

* * *

><p>"River, GO!"<p>

The deck surged up under Inara's feet almost before the words were out of Zoe's mouth. Serenity hurled herself up through the sky and into the black at near-dangerous speeds. Inara waited only until she was certain she could keep her balance before crossing to unlock the shuttle's hatch and shoving it back to step out onto the catwalk.

The first thing she saw was the blood. It soaked Mal's trousers, Jayne's shirt, Zoe's hands. Mal was unconscious, and Jayne and Zoe were lowering him to the deck, both still fighting to catch their breaths. Simon was already there; he dropped to his knees, cutting Mal's clothes away to assess the damage. Zoe ran for the stretcher.

Simon looked up only long enough to address Jayne. "Are you hurt?"

Jayne followed Simon's gaze to the blood on his shirt. "Ain't mine."

Zoe was back. She and Jayne shifted Mal onto the stretcher, Simon working seamlessly around them. As she lifted her end of the stretcher, Zoe shot a look up to the catwalk and caught Inara's eye.

Zoe was the better combat medic.

Face still impassive, Inara nodded at her. Zoe nodded back. And with that, the group disappeared in the direction of the infirmary.

* * *

><p>Inara returned to the shuttle. She cancelled the emergency evac, powered down the engines. She crossed to Grace and lifted her from her improvised cot. Grace clung to the front of her dress, buried her face in Inara's neck. Inara murmured soothing nonsense she could hardly hear over the sound of her heartbeat still pounding in her ears.<p>

* * *

><p>Inara couldn't face watching Simon operate on Mal's leg, so when Grace was quiet again, she headed up to the bridge. Found River tense and anxious.<p>

"Where are we headed?" Inara asked her.

River looked up from her screens. "Back the way we came. Is that right?"

"I don't know. It'll do until Zoe comes up to tell us differently." Inara stepped closer, ran one hand in a comforting gesture over River's hair. "You did well today."

River seemed to settle under the praise.

* * *

><p>Zoe found them there a little more than an hour later to tell them Mal was going to be fine. "Weak for a while, is all. He lost a lot of blood."<p>

Relief flooded Inara's stomach, but even that news did not ease her racing heartbeat. Zoe was clearly expecting her to jump up and run for the Infirmary, but Inara was terrified that when she saw Mal lying pale and unconscious on the Infirmary bed she would come undone completely. And that wasn't fair to anyone. She chose this life. Better to stay on the bridge, keep River calm, ride the co-pilot's console. Be of some use.

Zoe gave her a look, but said nothing. She reclaimed her daughter and headed back down the stairs.

* * *

><p>Zoe sat by Mal in the Infirmary with Grace asleep against her shoulder. She should really have laid her down in the nursery just outside, but Zoe wasn't ready to let go of her just yet. And she found this little bit of quiet time with her daughter soothing after the chaos of the day.<p>

Mal came awake slowly. Zoe watched him struggle to open his eyes, knew it took him a moment to work out where he was. His eyes found her – old habit – and then looked past her, searching for someone else. It was the first time in many, many years that hers wasn't the face he was looking for when he came back to the land of the living. Zoe found it bittersweet.

"She's on the bridge with River."

Mal grunted, but his eyes stopped searching the room. Zoe gave him time to sort his thoughts through the fuzz of Simon's anaesthetic.

"Wha' happened?"

"Deal went south."

"Mm… 'member tha' part."

"You got shot in the leg."

"'m'I gonna live?"

Zoe nodded. "'Fraid so, sir."

The familiar banter did more to comfort Zoe than just about anything else. Mal, though, went quiet again.

"She's on th' bridge?"

Zoe was surprised at how much hurt she heard in his voice. Wasn't sure his candour was entirely due to the drugs still coursing through his system.

"She's scared. Shut up tight. Give her some time."

Mal huffed his opinion of that, but he stopped fighting to stay awake.

* * *

><p>It was after dinner before Inara felt she could face the Infirmary with any kind of composure. But as she drew close she saw Kaylee sitting by Mal, making him laugh. Better that way, she thought.<p>

She didn't notice Mal watching her as she withdrew.

* * *

><p>Mal came awake in the low light of ship's night to find Inara sitting by his bedside. She had a fierce grip on his hand, but he could feel the tremors beneath it that she couldn't quite control. One look at her, though, and Mal knew Zoe was wrong. Inara wasn't scared. Or, not <em>only<em> scared. She was angry. Mal found that strangely reassuring.

"You feelin' better now?" he asked.

"That was supposed to be my line."

"I'm just fine."

"You got shot."

"Only a little." Mal was rewarded by a small huff of laughter. "You gonna tell me what's wrong?"

Inara dropped her gaze for a moment. "I hated that… today…"

"Can't say I enjoyed it myself."

"Not just that." She was silent for a long time. "I would do anything for Grace… I just…" She sighed in frustration, but finally looked him full in the face. "It turns out leaving you to die was harder than I expected."

Mal smiled. "Sometimes getting shot at is the easier job." He had meant to make her laugh, but suddenly she looked as though she was going to burst into tears. He tugged on the hand that still gripped his own. "Climb in."

She took a breath, composed herself. "No, you need…"

"I ain't askin'." He shifted painfully to make room on the narrow infirmary bunk. "In."

He thought for a moment she would refuse. Felt her grip on his hand loosen, but he refused to let go. He wasn't sure he could face it if she walked away now. Her face was unreadable when she finally relented.

It took some contortion, but she managed to slide in beside him, careful not to jostle his leg. He got one arm around her to keep her from falling out and found her shoulders stiff, her body rigid, braced against the reaction she had been fighting all day. He pulled her a little closer against him, let himself blame his honesty on the drugs as he whispered, "Please don't shut me out."

He felt her whole body flinch at his words. Her hand found his once again and held on tight. She buried her face in his shoulder, but he felt her slowly give in. She was silent as the tremors shook her body. He ran his hand gently up and down her back.

* * *

><p>When the storm passed, she sucked in a deep breath to steady herself and let go of his hand. She felt wrung out and just a little bit embarrassed. Mal's arm was still across her shoulders, but it was growing slack as he drifted off again.<p>

"I should go and let you get some sleep."

He couldn't quite get himself awake, but his arm tightened again briefly. "Hurts less when you're here."

Which was when she realised that he wasn't just comforting her.

The last of her embarrassment faded and she inched closer to him on the narrow bunk. She was going to be lying half on top of him at this rate.

"Just so you know, if I end up on the floor, you're in big trouble."

A smile ghosted over his face. "You don't stop wrigglin' I'll shove you out myself."

She laughed, but settled in against him and within minutes his breathing deepened into sleep. Inara felt her own eyes starting to close. She wasn't exactly comfortable, but it was infinitely preferable to the nightmares waiting for her in her shuttle.

* * *

><p>It was early ship's morning when Zoe emerged from the nursery with Grace to find Simon standing by the Infirmary windows looking in. He turned when he heard her to put a finger against his lips. She crossed to join him, looking in over his shoulder.<p>

"They slept like that?" she whispered.

"Apparently."

"Kinda makes you want to bang on the windows, don't it."

Simon grinned. "A little bit."

"You goin' in?"

"No. I'll set the lights to come up slowly, come back once Inara's had time to clear out."

Zoe snorted, turning to head up towards the kitchen. "I'd linger over my coffee if I were you."


End file.
